Listen, I love an emotionally devastating, soul-crushing Dramione fic as much as the next person. Apparently, I enjoy suffering.
But sometimes I do not want to spend 200,000 words wondering if anyone is ever going to experience joy again. Sometimes I want Draco Malfoy being an absolute menace, Hermione giving it right back to him, completely ridiculous situations, and banter that makes me actually laugh out loud while reading.
These are the Dramione fics that did exactly that.
Some are chaotic. Some are ridiculous. And all are genuinely excellent stories that also happen to be hilarious. And at least one of them was responsible for putting me back together after Manacled, which honestly deserves recognition on its own.
Here’s the Deal by Lilian_Silver
56,677 words | 18 chapters
Author’s Summary:
8th Year Dramione – they get engaged in The Great Hall™ …but is everything what it seems?
No, of course it’s not, dipshit.
Seriously, this fic is so chaotic in the absolute best way. The summary should probably tell you everything you need to know about what kind of ride you are getting yourself into here. This is not a quiet, sensible little eighth-year romance where everyone calmly works through their feelings. Absolutely not.
It is ridiculous and messy and completely unserious in exactly the way I wanted it to be. If you like your Dramione with a healthy dose of what the hell is happening right now?, this one is such a fun read.
Oops! I Joined the Good Guys by Rogue_Roxy
97,894 words | 25 chapters
Read Oops! I Joined the Good Guys on AO3
Author’s Summary:
What if the Deathly Hallows was done differently?
What if some of the bad guys were not so bad?
What if there was a lot more collaboration and communication?
What if Draco ends up on the run with the Golden Trio?Rules:
Please do not tell Rodolphus where Severus hides the good wine.
Please do not cast Muffliato spells around Phineas.
Please do not tell Draco he is about to go camping.
Now when I say I laughed the entire time I read this fic, I need you to understand that I mean literal, cackling-out-loud laughter. This fic is SO FUNNY. The basic premise puts Draco on the run with the Golden Trio during the events of Deathly Hallows, and everything that follows is just… chaos. The character interactions absolutely make it. Everyone gets to be a little ridiculous, the banter never lets up, and Draco being forced into Golden Trio shenanigans is apparently exactly what I needed in my life. And a sentence I never thought I would say… Rodolphus is freaking hilarious.
If you’re specifically coming to this list because you want something that will make you laugh, start here.
Draco Malfoy and the Mortifying Ordeal of Being in Love by isthisselfcare
199,548 words | 36 chapters
Author’s Summary:
Hermione straddles the Muggle and Magical worlds as a medical researcher and Healer about to make a big discovery. Draco is an Auror assigned to protect her from forces unknown – to both of their displeasure.
Features hyper-competent, fiery Hermione and lazy, yet dangerous, Draco. Slow burn.
Do I even need to introduce this one? Draco Malfoy and the Mortifying Ordeal of Being in Love, lovingly known to the rest of us as DMATMOOBIL, is basically Dramione required reading at this point.
And for good reason.
This is one of those fics that manages to be romantic, adventurous, incredibly well written, and genuinely hilarious all at the same time. The Draco/Hermione dynamic is just perfection, especially if your preferred version of Draco is competent when necessary but otherwise committed to being as irritating as humanly possible.
I read this immediately after Manacled, which was honestly one of the better decisions I have ever made. Manacled destroyed me. DMATMOOBIL gently picked me up, handed me a snack, and told me everything was going to be okay. A true Dramione classic and possibly the perfect balm after one of the soul-crushing fics.
Where The Duck Is Minerva McGonagall? by Rogue_Roxy
160,702 words | 26 chapters
Read Where The Duck Is Minerva McGonagall? on AO3
Author’s Summary:
Welcome to a somewhat serious inquiry into the whereabouts of a very sneaky witch.
Hermione Granger (badass Auror working for MACUSA) has been summoned back to Britain by Kingsley Shacklebolt to help with an investigation. Of course, Hermione agrees; working with Harry again is going to be so much fun… only, it turns out that Harry is unavailable, and unfortunately, she gets stuck with Draco Malfoy.
Warnings:
- Hold onto your gold; there is a Niffler in this story.
- Draco Malfoy reserves the right to cast Aguamentis at hair he deems offensive.
- Whatever is said in the Cave of Plunderous Intent, stays in the Cave of Plunderous Intent.
- Approach any wine provided by the Icelandic Legend Erla with extreme caution.
Another absolute banger from Rogue_Roxy, which probably shouldn’t surprise you after seeing Oops! I Joined the Good Guys directly above it. This one follows Auror Hermione as she gets pulled into an investigation and, naturally, ends up stuck working with Draco instead of Harry. Things proceed normally from there… just kidding. Absolutely nothing proceeds normally.
One of my favorite things about this fic was that I genuinely could not guess where it was going next. Every time I thought I had some idea of what kind of story I was reading, something else happened and we were suddenly off in another direction.
And I had the best time.
It has mystery, adventure, ridiculous situations, great Draco/Hermione chemistry, and the exact kind of humor that makes you keep saying okay, one more chapter when you absolutely should be going to sleep.
Cover by nixkxart
A Hard Row to Hoe by blessdtoaster
250,248 words | 30 chapters
Author’s Summary:
It’s 2008 and Draco Malfoy is a secret assassin. It’s legitimate – he gets paid for it, and some higher ups in the Ministry (probably?) know he’s out there… killing people. He’s quite good, but that tracks with his dubious accounting of rights and wrongs and his penchant for self-preservation. During his downtime he does a great job of acting like a pureblood in penance… mostly by drinking and shagging his way into oblivion.
This double life helps to numb Draco to the constant feelings of shame and guilt from his formative years in which he was an utter cunt- but everything is upended when his team (assassins can have coworkers, alright?) dies in action and he does not. Suspended and forced to go to therapy, Draco is adrift.
When Hermione Granger re-enters the fray, their hateful relationship that was once fraught with swotty bickering (erm, and the occasional slur) is suddenly tense in a very different way.
How will these two come together? How often will Theo say something terribly charming? Do we hate Ron or is Ron just, meh? Oh, and what’s going on with that one murderous witch who’s out to kill them all (forgot to mention that part…)?
Find out all this and more in: A HARD ROW TO HOE!
Secret-assassin Draco Malfoy going to therapy should honestly be enough information to make you click the link. This fic is hilarious, but the thing I especially loved was Draco himself. This is one of my favorite representations of sassy Draco, and I could not get enough of him. He’s sarcastic. He’s dramatic. And he’s deeply questionable. He has entirely too much to say. So… basically, perfect.
There is a real plot happening underneath all of the banter, and the story definitely has heavier moments, but Draco’s internal commentary and interactions with everyone around him had me laughing constantly.
At 250k words, this is also a nice one when you want something you can really settle into rather than a quick little palate cleanser.
Hot for Teacher by MotherofBulls
61,722 words | 26 chapters
Author’s Summary:
Draco is a single dad trying to raise a teenager on his own. When he notices his son’s newfound interest in girls, he takes it upon himself to give him some fatherly advice. Little does he know that his son’s crush is none other than his own childhood nemesis, who has taken up the post of Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor at Hogwarts. Draco tries to juggle awkward situations, parenthood, and his own budding interest in Hermione Granger. COMPLETE!
Single-dad Draco. Teenage Scorpius. Hermione teaching at Hogwarts. You can probably already see where things are going wrong.
I love the Draco/Scorpius relationship in this fic. It is just so Gilmore Girl-esque in the best way. So much of the humor comes from Draco attempting to parent a teenage boy while simultaneously dealing with his own increasingly complicated feelings about Hermione, and it is just incredibly fun to read. It’s lighter, funny, slightly ridiculous, and exactly the kind of Dramione I want when I’m looking for pure entertainment.
Sometimes We Deserve Happy Dramione
I will absolutely continue reading the Dramione fics that emotionally destroy me. I know myself well enough to stop pretending otherwise. But there is something so good about finding a fic where the banter is bantering, Draco is being completely insufferable, Hermione is approximately three seconds away from hexing him, and I realize I’ve been grinning at my Kindle for the last two hours.
And if you have a Dramione fic that made you actually laugh out loud, please leave it in the comments because I am always willing to add another 200,000 words to my TBR… especially if it involves a sassy Draco.
Thanks for being here today! To get more lists like this, check out my Fics & Recs page, HERE.
